Bryan and I got into a very deep conversation last night about me. It was so odd at first because I've never talked much to him about my wants and dreams and hopes. I've always been the kind of person that would rather sacrifice everything so that others could be happy. And, with marrying my sweet Bryan, I have become his USC-hoping, film making supporting, book editing, *almost* wife so I can continue doing so when we get married. But yesterday, I started to fall apart at some small things and I couldn't figure out why. So, through all the tears and talking, my sweet Bryan came down with the conclusion that I need to start doing something for me.
It was so hard for me to even talk about myself, I ended up not saying much. But I was finally able to speak out to Bryan about my real dreams after he went along with my list of things I was made to be; a wife, a mom, a supporter, a nurturer... You know, those things.
But he finally got me to break open from my practical mind and tell him everything I wanted. I want to sing with everything in me. I want to praise God for giving me this gift through song and performance. I want to play the piano again. It has been years since I have sat down and just played for me. I miss my old books, my old sheet music... It was everything to me. Now, all I do is work; day to day, hour by hour, just so I can make ends meet and help Bryan get to USC. I'm saving for the wedding and for life after it. Even the wedding stuff I don't really do for myself, I do it for others and their benefit and help. Nothing in my life has been just for me since I went to college.
So, I'm looking into voice lessons again. I have to get these rusty old pipes singing. I'm going to set aside time everyday (probably the half hour after I get home from work) to just sit down in front of the piano and play--just for me.
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