I'm going to be very real for the next few paragraphs.
When Bryan and I got married almost 2.5 years ago, I was in a really good place. Mentally I was sound, spiritually I was focused, physically I was fit, and emotionally I was balanced. But it began to fade a little after the end of year one.
I stopped going to school.
My scriptures became dusty.
Working out became a scarcity and random.
Crying turned into an almost daily occasion.
I've gotten back to school. I don't cry as much, and only when it is healthy. But my body is tired and I'm losing all capacity to keep it healthy. God is becoming a stranger and my scriptures are still neglected.
That scares me.
I like to think of myself as an "athletic" person.
I love to dance.
I don't mind running.
I like playing sports.
But I have lost all desire to do those things.
Bryan is constantly asking me if I'm going to go to the gym with him, to keep him company and help him with weights when he needs it. I find myself not even considering or wagering. My response has been for the last little while a straightforward NO.
Where does this come from?
When we were dating, I'd go. The same when we were engaged. When we got married, I told him that I didn't like going to the gym, but I still danced regularly. We even got me some Zumba DVD's for those days when I didn't have time or the capacity to come up with my own workout.
But now... Nothing.
I have faith.
I feel the Spirit.
I try to remember that all things come from God--and thank Him for those things.
I keep a prayer in my heart.
I listen to uplifting music.
But how often do I get on my knees? A number that I am ashamed of.
How often do I read my scriptures? Not enough, for certain.
Our ward is doing a Book of Mormon Reading Challenge: 2 chapters or 4 pages a day from Sept 1st-Dec 31st. How far have I gotten since day 1? 1 Nephi Chapter 8. That's maybe 20 pages in. I've got a lot of catching up to do and a lot of changing to do if I want to make this part of my life.
I want to feast on life again. My sister-in-law wrote about me on her blog right after Bryan and I got engaged about how excited I was about life and how I loved the Gospel. Do I have that anymore? I like think that I do...
This isn't a bad place that I'm in. I know I'm blessed, more than I deserve. God is a gracious God for blessing someone as imperfect and lazy as I am.
I'm just in an interesting place.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Thank you, Mr. Disney
Today is my birthday.
Disneyland's facebook page was nice enough to post this for me.
Thank you, Mr. Disney.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
School. Music. Life.
I live in a time where I have to go to school so I can do what I want.
So, here I am.
Going to UVU.
And loving it. :)
I think that I needed to go back to school when I did because I was going crazy just working all the time. I feel like the store has been such a mess this summer and I barely survived it. But being able to sing every day and talk about music like it's a way of life (because it IS!) just makes me happy.
There are 3 audition choirs on campus: Women's choir, the Masterworks Chorale, and the Chamber Choir. I was in Women's choir all last year and loved every second of it! Singing in an all-female chorus is such a unique experience. I also loved all the women I sang with and our director is fabulous! This year, however, with work, I could only audition for the Masterworks Chorale. I went into my audition and could hardly look at Cherilyn (the Women's Choir director) because I was so sad. But as I finished my audition, Dr. Criddle looked and me and asked, "Are you sure you don't have time for 2 choirs? I would have called you back for Chamber." A-what?!! Chamber Choir is the "elite" choir on campus. Normally, Dr. Criddle picks choir voices for that group. This year, however, he's changing it up a bit: the choir is going to China in the spring so he wanted to gather up the good voices in the vocal department. So, it's official: Dr. Criddle thinks I'm GOOD. That was definitely a confidence booster for me, as it's hard to please him.
I'm so excited to be working with Tyler again this year in voice lessons. His wife (who is a contralto) is now teaching voice lessons on campus, so I considered moving to her studio. Plus, she's awesome and who wouldn't want to be Val's student?! Anyway, I felt, though, that Tyler really pushed me to find my soprano voice. I have a dark color and a wide vibrato, so most voice teachers have put me in the mezzo-soprano category. But the thing is... I can hit an E above the staff. Yes, folks. That is 3 ledger lines above the staff. B above the staff is a comfortable soprano note. I can hit it. Comfortably. I like singing low and jazzy in choirs because it pushes my range lower (I can sing tenor better than most tenors, lets be honest here), but I love crooning above the staff.
Ok, nerd moment over...
Bryan and I are putting together a small business plan so I can start teaching voice and piano lessons. I need to be singing every day, all the time. Teaching will help me do that :) I think we'll start small--just Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday teaching while I work part-time at the store and still go to school. When I get enough students, then I can go to work and tell them, "It's been real, but I'M OUTTA HERE!" (I'm still working on the exact script, but you get the idea).
Bryan is turning into a real freelancer. Yes, ladies and gent's: He's made a COMMERCIAL. And, he just book ANOTHER commercial through the same advertising company. They really like him. Hopefully this means that he'll get all their small projects (6-8 per year) and then we'll be able to finally start saving for a new car, a condo, and a baby (not pregnant).
Here's the 30 second spot, if you haven't already seen it on TV:
Yes, my super awesome, amazingly talented hubby did that. I'm so proud :)
My family is going to Disneyland in October. My whole family. That's all 8 of my siblings, spouses, grandkids, and my cute parents. Bryan and I are trying to figure out if we're going or not. I really want to go, but money is tight and we're trying to figure out if it's just the right time.... I sure hope we can go. I love seeing my family and I don't get to see them very often. And plus, it's the happiest place on earth! Where Bryan and I honeymooned over 2 years ago!
So, here I am.
Going to UVU.
And loving it. :)
I think that I needed to go back to school when I did because I was going crazy just working all the time. I feel like the store has been such a mess this summer and I barely survived it. But being able to sing every day and talk about music like it's a way of life (because it IS!) just makes me happy.
There are 3 audition choirs on campus: Women's choir, the Masterworks Chorale, and the Chamber Choir. I was in Women's choir all last year and loved every second of it! Singing in an all-female chorus is such a unique experience. I also loved all the women I sang with and our director is fabulous! This year, however, with work, I could only audition for the Masterworks Chorale. I went into my audition and could hardly look at Cherilyn (the Women's Choir director) because I was so sad. But as I finished my audition, Dr. Criddle looked and me and asked, "Are you sure you don't have time for 2 choirs? I would have called you back for Chamber." A-what?!! Chamber Choir is the "elite" choir on campus. Normally, Dr. Criddle picks choir voices for that group. This year, however, he's changing it up a bit: the choir is going to China in the spring so he wanted to gather up the good voices in the vocal department. So, it's official: Dr. Criddle thinks I'm GOOD. That was definitely a confidence booster for me, as it's hard to please him.
I'm so excited to be working with Tyler again this year in voice lessons. His wife (who is a contralto) is now teaching voice lessons on campus, so I considered moving to her studio. Plus, she's awesome and who wouldn't want to be Val's student?! Anyway, I felt, though, that Tyler really pushed me to find my soprano voice. I have a dark color and a wide vibrato, so most voice teachers have put me in the mezzo-soprano category. But the thing is... I can hit an E above the staff. Yes, folks. That is 3 ledger lines above the staff. B above the staff is a comfortable soprano note. I can hit it. Comfortably. I like singing low and jazzy in choirs because it pushes my range lower (I can sing tenor better than most tenors, lets be honest here), but I love crooning above the staff.
Ok, nerd moment over...
Bryan and I are putting together a small business plan so I can start teaching voice and piano lessons. I need to be singing every day, all the time. Teaching will help me do that :) I think we'll start small--just Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday teaching while I work part-time at the store and still go to school. When I get enough students, then I can go to work and tell them, "It's been real, but I'M OUTTA HERE!" (I'm still working on the exact script, but you get the idea).
Bryan is turning into a real freelancer. Yes, ladies and gent's: He's made a COMMERCIAL. And, he just book ANOTHER commercial through the same advertising company. They really like him. Hopefully this means that he'll get all their small projects (6-8 per year) and then we'll be able to finally start saving for a new car, a condo, and a baby (not pregnant).
Here's the 30 second spot, if you haven't already seen it on TV:
Yes, my super awesome, amazingly talented hubby did that. I'm so proud :)
My family is going to Disneyland in October. My whole family. That's all 8 of my siblings, spouses, grandkids, and my cute parents. Bryan and I are trying to figure out if we're going or not. I really want to go, but money is tight and we're trying to figure out if it's just the right time.... I sure hope we can go. I love seeing my family and I don't get to see them very often. And plus, it's the happiest place on earth! Where Bryan and I honeymooned over 2 years ago!
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