I'm Stuck...

Today I was watching Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Because it's hilarious. And awesome. And it makes me feel all fuzzy inside. :)
Anyways, there is one part where Mahoney goes to Mr. Magorium and says that she wants to get a new job and she says that she feels "stuck."

I kinda feel the same way.
I think half of it is because I'm doing the same hum-drum stuff everyday.
But that doesn't help the feeling.

I have a feeling that school is going to help.

After Mr. Magorium leaves, Mahoney is talking to the Mutant and the Mutant tells her that she isn't "just a block of wood." (you have to see the movie to understand. it's awesome). He tells her that she just needs to believe in herself, just like she believed in Mr. Magorium. Then, magical things can happen!

I just need to believe in myself, just like I believe in my husband, God, and love!

It's just getting to that point that's the hard part...
:/

Slow Polk in the Fast Lane

So... I'm driving to work this morning
oh so merrily!
it was a good morning.
good talk with God,
good scriptures,
good stuff with school...
just good :)

HE-NEE-WAYS...

I'm driving to work and makin' good time
when this DUMP TRUCK gets in front of me!
Mind you, University pkwy is NOT a pleasant drive.

Now, I'm in the PASSING LANE.
aka, the "I don't want to get stuck behind slow freakin' trucks" lane!
He went 10 UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!
Holy stink.
That was almost unbearable!
Until he turned left half way down Pkwy.

That was nice :)
Then I could continue with my cruising.
(at a safe speed and very carefully, of course)

I just figure, if the limit is 50 MPH--
I'M GOIN' 50 :)

Happyness :)

This is my day today and tomorrow.

I love my Heavenly Father!
I love my Savior!
I love the Prophet, Thomas S. Monson!
I love the Apostles!
I love the Gospel.

:)

Overwhelming.

It hit me today.
Like
REALLY hit me.
I will NEVER sing at or with BYU-Idaho again.

I got on facebook tonight like any other night and was browsing through the feed. I like having a facebook because I like knowing what's going on in people's lives and I like keeping in touch with my friends. So, I began scrolling:
Girls who were Beehives when I left Arizona are graduating,
Friends posted new "pregnant pictures"
Others were talking up Spring Break...

And then they started.
The status updates about TOMORROW.

Tomorrow is General Conference for my church.
Tomorrow, during the afternoon session, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will not be singing.
Instead...
Tomorrow, Brigham Young University-Idaho's Combined Conference Choir will be performing.
And I won't be.
Tomorrow, I will sit and look into the faces of so many of my friends and comrades that I have grown to love and respect in the Music Dept. perform sacred music for the biggest event semi-annually in the Church.
And I won't be with them.

I loved BYU-I. I had so many opportunities there that I never would have been able to have had I gone somewhere else. And now, quite frankly, I'm scared.
I'm scared that I may never perform again.
I'm scared that I may never be whole again.
I'm scared of losing my talents.

And I'm afraid that's where I'm headed.