And now... we wait

I finished my BYU application. I got accepted to UVU on Monday, but as an out-of-state student. Apparently, I have to have my license and be a registered voter for at least 3 months.
I'll be making phone calls, come April. I'm not paying that much for tuition. That's a little absurd. Especially since I am technically a resident of Utah, but the school just makes you do more crap to qualify. I mean, I've lived here for over a year and I'm married to a resident. And, as a matter of fact, I have proof of BOTH of those--WHO KNEW?!
Ugh. But, it will be done soon enough. Just got to wait it out for a bit.
I think waiting on BYU for a fourth time, though, is going to be the death of me. I know that I want an education. It has been a goal of mine since I decided that I was going to college to actually FINISH with a Bachelor's degree. But, now that I'm here and now that I've seen how much my husband (quite frankly) despises this school... I don't know if I belong there. If anything, I could give it a try for a semester or 2 and then see if I want to leave.
But then again, I have a different personality than my sweet hubby does. I will probably love it.
Maybe.
It's just not exactly right for him.

Know what else we have to wait for? Moving.
Yes, we're pretty set on moving if I don't get into BYU. The apartment we've been looking at is pretty awesome. And it's right down the street from UVU, behind Wal-Mart, and is closer to my work with less crazy hills which means...! I get to ride my bike to work more often :) YAY FOR EXERCISE!

Know what else we have to wait on? Kids.
I had the strangest dream the other night. The only thing I can really remember from that dream is that Bryan and I were in a room together and he was angry at me. He was saying things like, "What are we going to do?!" and "It's too soon!" and "You lied to me!" Then, I lifted up my shirt and said, "Well, I can't really hide it anymore." I'm guessing that in the dream, I was about 16-20 weeks along because I had a nice little baby-bump.
The sad part is, when I woke up... I was so depressed that it wasn't real. That's the first time I've really felt "baby hungry." At that moment, and for a few minutes after, I wanted to be a mom.
I mean, I joke around with Bryan a lot. I'll tease him whenever babies come on the tv or whenever we see cute little kids running around at the store or when there's a baby blessed at church... But that moment was the first REAL moment that I've had where I just wanted a baby.
Weird.

Know what else we have to wait for? Bryan's W2's
We're worried that his old employers won't get them to us because of one's reputation for being late with EVERYTHING (including pay), and the other not having our new address. **sigh** Hopefully we get it...

I'm done for now.

I've never been a "New Year's Resolution" type of person

But this year, that's changing.

My sweet husband is a SUPER GOAL MAKER! No really. He is.
Anyway, so I decided that this year I would make a few goals that I know I can attain or at least get close to attaining. I read this talk not too long ago that was pretty awesome. It's called "Go For It!" by M. Russell Ballard. And... I loved it! It really put a new perspective on goal-making for me.
I always felt like if I made a goal, I was more likely to fail. I felt this way with almost every goal I made! (I'm super hard on myself; something I need to work on). But this talk that I read just helped me out so much!
Elder Ballard said that we need to make righteous goals that lift us up, but those goals also need to be ones that we know we can attain.
HA!
I needed it in simple terms to realize that I needed the confidence to attain those goals!
I'm retarded. Simply put.
Anyway, I made a few goals. And I'm hoping that I can attain them by the end of this year.

I got sick the day AFTER christmas.

Thank goodness.
That would have been the WORST Christmas present EVER if I had gotten sick on the day. But, luckily (but not so pleasantly) I got sick the night after.

But that's not what this post is supposed to be about.
Christmas really awesome. Bryan and I spent the weekend with his family and I got to take part in some classic family traditions and in some new ones!
Every Christmas Eve, Bryan's grandparents (dad's side) go caroling to some of their neighbors. It was actually when we got engaged last year! So, of course we had to go again. It was so fun being on the Oyler's front step again and being with my husband who went from being my boyfriend to my fiance 1 year ago that night. That was the best Christmas present ever :)
After that, my mother-in-law initiated the first of the 2 new traditions.
We had a shepherd's dinner. Bread, cheese, summer sausage, and grapes. Yeah, it wasn't exactly what shepherds in Israel would have had, but we did what we could. Unleavened bread isn't very good and we had to have some sort of balance to our meal. But, the cool part was that we didn't use any technology to make anything (we bought the bread. yeah, we kinda cheated). It was simple, but even with the meagerness of the meal, I felt full at the end.
Then, we went on to the second of the new traditions. Michael McLean wrote a children's book of his story, The Forgotten Carols. It comes with a cd that has the songs and a narration by Brother McLean himself! So, we turned out the lights, lit some candles, and we sat and followed along with the book and listened to some of all our favorite Christmas songs.
Then, we continued with... well, traditional traditions lol
My father-in-law read from 3 Nephi 1; the account of Christ's birth as recorded by prophets in the America's. It was a sweet reminder of the greatness of His glory and the simplicity of His greatness.
Then, we all got to open our pajamas from Santa!
My pants were zebra print (of course!) and Bryan's were blue flannel. I helped Santa pick them out. ;)
We watched It's a Wonderful Life, which is different for me because my family always watched White Christmas. But, I still love that film. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside whenever I watch it. It's also Bryan's favorite movie.
Well, the time came when we all (who were staying the night at Mom and Dad's) had to get crammed in the basement so we wouldn't see what Santa brought.
So it started...
All of us girls (Eliza, Leah, and I) were to sleep in Liza's room and the boys (Bryan and Matthew, his brother) were to sleep in the play room outside of Liza's room. This is all part of the basement.
Liza and I wanted to try and pull and all-nighter, so we played The Game of Life until about 3 AM. Bryan was stealing money and Life tiles, Matthew was mad that he had the lowest salary, Leah was in the most debt, Liza was taking money from Bryan because he kept trying to not pay his debts, and I ended up winning even with only 2 Life tiles. It was funny.
Then Leah and I talked til about 5 AM.
Then we got up at 7 AM.
We prayed with Mom and Dad, took a picture on the stairs, then went to our stockings.
Bryan got a rubberband gun and a car kit. I got cookie sheets and my pizza stone. We got more, but I hate talking about Christmas gifts... Weird, I know. But I almost feel selfish because it's like "Look what **I** got!" Meh. Well, Bryan got the cinematographer's manual, some money, a Barnes and Noble gift card, Toy Story 3, Beauty and the Beast, 3:10 to Yuma, and recipes. I got some moccosin slippers, a necklace, some earrings, a shirt, a skookie pan, and we both got a book about Joseph Smith. I think that's everything...
Anyway, we went and saw Aub, Chad, and the kids. Hayden was shooting free throws. He's 2. Yeah. Bella was being shy for some reason. She's funny. It was good to see my sister. I missed her.
Then we went and had breakfast with Bryan's family and Grandma and Grandpa O. It was delicious, as always :)
This year, we didn't shoot our gingerbread houses. We didn't have any ammo for Bryan's bb gun :(
We spent the afternoon napping and playing games and watching movies. Then we went to Gma and Gpa O's house for dinner and the cousin gift exchange. It's always fun seeing that side of the family. Plus, the food is awesome :)
Then, we went back home to watch The Queen, our gift to Bryan's mom. I really liked it.
Then bed.
Sunday, we spent time with my sisters and then went to our friend Christmas party. That's when I started feeling sick.
I got pains in my lower back and down the backs of my legs and in my knees. It hurt to sit, to stand, to walk, to do anything really. Except lay down. Let's just say, I didn't do much. I felt bad. But, Bryan and I got the movie Inception during the White Elephant gift exchange. That was cool.
But that night wasn't.
I was in so much pain.
It hurt to move the next morning.
I didn't go to work.
This morning wasn't so bad. I've been taking pain meds regularly. But I've been coughing and sneezing for 2 days straight. Hopefully, this all lets up soon.

In honor of Christmas...

This is my little "gift" to you!
These clips are from my second favorite Christmas movie of all time, The Muppet Christmas Carol (the first being White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye).

Our First Christmas :)

Okay, I know it's a little early. But, hey! We wanted our OWN little Christmas with just the two of us.

It started off with us talking about our family's traditions. Turns out, they're pretty similar. Except my family's Christmas morning is a little more intense than his, but his family's Christmas Eve is an all-out program compared to mine.
But that's not the point.
So, we talked it out and decided we wanted to sing one of our favorite Christmas songs (we did mine this year). Then we would read Luke 2. Then, we would turn on the music and open presents!
This year, we sang "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear." I don't know why, but I've always loved that song. I guess that this song just personifies how I imagined that sacred night to be.
The world in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing
Love it.
What I loved even more was that Bryan totally doesn't know the words :) lol. It was awesome. And made me giggle. While trying to play the piano. It was eventful, LEMME TELL YA.
Then we read from Luke 2.
It was such a sweet reminder of the TRUE meaning of Christmas. I'm so grateful for my Savior and his willingness to come to this earth to teach us and save us.
Then... We opened presents!
I made Bryan open all his presents first (that spoiled boy). I got him a sweater from Express, new warm-up pants (Adidas. For free. From work. Woot!), and some business socks ;) (See my playlist to understand why it is so funny).
Then, I opened my present.
Bryan got me a GORGEOUS jewelry box! I love it! I've needed one for a while. I've been keeping all my jewelry in a little Victoria's Secret bag. Let's just say, it wasn't very... Good. Yeah. Everything was all crazy and mixed up and sometimes would end up sad looking because it was all smashed in the bag.
But my NEW jewelry box was EXACTLY what I wanted/needed. I love my hubby :)

Pictures to come!
Merry CHRISTmas

Change

Well, Bryan was denied from BYU's film program.
I cried.
My husband held me, and I cried.

I used to like moving... And change... But after living in Arizona for so many years and then living in Idaho for so many years, and now starting to get used to Provo... I'm not liking change so much anymore.

But Bryan may not stay at BYU.
I may not get accepted to BYU.

do we go back to Idaho?
Do we move to Salt Lake?
Do we try Southern Utah?
Do we just make a movie?
Do we write our book?
Do I go back to school?
What will we study?
Where will we go?

While I cried, I just sat in my state of confusion. I didn't really think about anything; I just cried.
But then, I leaned forward and said a silent prayer: "Father, I'm trusting you. We'll pray and ponder and study out our options, but I am trusting you to take care of us until then."
I felt peace come over me.
Even in all my confusion and worry, God still came though and touched my heart. He always does.
I know God lives and that Jesus is the Christ. They love us so much. I pray for their protection and for their forgiveness daily, so that I can try and become more like them.

So, like I said, we may be moving soon. We may not. At this point, I don't really know what God has in store for us or why we are here, but I'm trusting Him.
At this point, I kind of hope that we don't have to move. I like our little apartment and I will miss our friends that we have grown close to. But, I guess I could find that enjoyment in change that I used to have. Change is good. Maybe we just need change.

I can't help but think I don't deserve this

I feel like God is blessing Bryan and I so much.

Most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve it.

But then it reminds me that I have an all-knowing, kind, generous, and loving Heavenly Father who truly wants the best for me.

I feel like every day I have something new to thank Him for. I fall on my knees and with tears, I thank Him for how wonderful and gracious He is.

I got my promotion yesterday. The extra money that I will be making will allow Bryan and I to go on a little trip for our 1 year anniversary AND I will probably be able to pay for school.

I found out that I will be able to apply for graduation in the summer.

He's looking out for me.

So, I realize...

That posting YouTube videos shouldn't really count as a post... But I do it anyway. BUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! :)

Anyway, I will be posting again soon because I have fun little pictures of our cute Christmas tree and decor to put up! YAY FOR CHRISTMAS! Only 14 days! WOOT!!!

Bryan and I were texting each other these lyrics...

So, I thought I'd share :)

I love my cute hubby <3

This was too cute to pass up!

So, I saw this on Annie's facebook page. It's so stinkin' cute! But it's also so tender and sweet. Truly, the simplest and most powerful testimonies come from children. They are not corrupted and they are blind to the world. They only know God and his love for them.



I am so grateful this holiday season for my Savior, Jesus Christ. He lives and loves us! I know this to be true.

So it's official...

Won't be going back to AZ for Christmas :( Sad day...

But I'm looking on the bright side:
ALL of Bryan's family is going to be here for Christmas!!! WOOT-DIGGITY!!! I really do love my in-laws. I especially miss Bryan's sister and her hubby. We spent a lot of time with them when we were dating in Idaho and now we don't get to see them much, so it's always so much fun when they come down!!!

Also, my whole family won't be together this year, anyway. I mean, Aubrey's fam isn't going because she doesn't want to travel while 8 months pregnant, and I think one of my other sisters is with her in-laws this year, too (not sure which, but I thought I heard something along those lines).

ANYWAY, total change of subject.

My last post was short.
I spent most of Friday night bawling my eyes out.
Partly because I couldn't sleep (didn't end up falling asleep until about 4 a.m.), but the rest was because I got REEEEEALLLY homesick :( Not a happy place to be. It was like I reached the tipping point that night and it just overwhelmed me! Like... Oh, I don't know... There are really no words that can describe it. It overwhelmed me so much that it made me sick on Saturday and I ended up leaving work early because I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out.
Then I came home.
Red faced and dry-eyed because there were no more tears...
Bryan pulled me to the couch and told me to tell him about it.

And I went loose.

Bawled, again, for hours.


But I am so grateful for my husband. He really does complete me. He helped me look at my problems from the outside and really assess what I was feeling.
I love him so much :)

One of my favorite songs that I like to sing to Bryan when he's discouraged.
I almost sang it at our luncheon, but I knew I was going to ball when I gave my speech, so I just decided to fight my tears with just words and not with song lol.

Late Night

I can't sleep. Things have been going great, until tonight.
Lots of tears.


That's all I can say.

David Letterman - Steve Carell vs. Mark Wahlberg

Good laugh. I love Steve Carell

So, I kinda miss MY family.

I really love my husband's side. They're so awesome and kind and fun and generous and... Just downright AWESOME. I have the greatest in-laws ever, to be completely honest.

But this Thanksgiving, I really missed my family. When I hugged my little sister, it made me wish that she wasn't the only sibling I would be hugging this year. But, alas, it is quite expensive driving to Arizona. I miss it... A lot. Especially right now. I wish I could walk outside without needing to wear snow boots. I wish I could still picnic. I didn't think that being in actual winter climate would be so bad, but... Yeah. Just not my cup of cocoa.

I really miss my mom. And my dad. Being far away AND recently married is totally stinky. Why? Because not only am I a 12 hour drive from my parents, but I have no money to make that drive. We're barely living paycheck-to-paycheck as is.

But Thanksgiving was really good this year, overall. We had so much fun with Bryan's family and with our friends. I was really sad when Kylie had to leave on Friday instead of staying the whole weekend, but that's okay. I got over it.

Time to just be THANKFUL :)

I thought I would start of this Thanksgiving week by expressing open gratitude

I'm grateful for:

• My life
• My cute hubby
• My family
• My friends
• My bed
• My zebra print bedspread :)
• My homemade bows (that I want to make more of)
• My bathroom
• My new curling iron
• My job
• My books
• Stay-at-home date night
• Seeing movies with my friends
• Having totally awesome girlfriends
• The temple
• My calling
• My visiting teaching companion
• My visiting teach-ee's
• The Ensign
• President Thomas S. Monson
• The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
• My bishop and his wife :)
• My baptismal covenants
• The opportunity to worship freely
• Prayer
• Fasting
• Scripture study
• Music
• Goals
• Treats
• Make-shift meals that end up being really tasty
• Communication by email and facebook (it's dumb, I know, but I am grateful for it)
• What I believe to be true: God lives, Jesus is the Christ and the Savior of the world. His atonement makes it possible for all things such as eternal families, forgiveness, the priesthood, and so many other things that come through Him. The Holy Ghost resides with us, in our worthiness, and guides us to do what is right. I love my Father in Heaven. Lately I have seen his hand in my life and realized that he knows me by name.
  

That's just a small list, but I think that's all I can put into words right now.

Bedtime...

It's hard to be happy today.

My high school dance coach had a little girl. Her name was Savanna. She was so beautiful and was 7 months old. Now she's gone. I wish I could hug Tabby. I wish I could be with her right now.

It's times like these that I wish I could cry out my testimony to everyone that I love, but it's times like these when it's scary for me. So, I'm saying now that I know that God lives and he loves ALL his children. I know that those children who leave this life before the age of accountability are sent straight to His side to be in His comfort until their parents come in righteousness to raise them. I know that families can be forever through the atonement of Jesus Christ and through the sealing power of the temple.

I need to do some venting...

Okay, so it's not ANGRY venting. I just need to openly talk about how I feel....

So, my boss (the owner of the store I work at) is kind of crazy. Well, he's like a good person, just not the best boss in the world. As in, he curses at us, gets mad easily ( like REALLY easily ) and I just feel like he doesn't express himself very well.
Anyway, so I get guilt tripped REALLY easily. Like, if you tell me that you didn't like the sandwich I made you for lunch that day, I'll feel bad about it for like three days. No joke. I'm serious.
So, my boss called our store three times today and I was involved in some way or other with all those calls and he cursed TO me (not at me, but TO me) twice in one sentence. Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could tell him that I don't appreciate his cursing, but he's kinda scary. So, continuing, he called two more times upset, and then he sent me a kinda angry email. It was only one line, but as I read it, I could hear him saying it and that didn't help at all.
So, the reason why I need to vent is because I hate crying over how my boss treats me. And the thing is, I know he doesn't realize how all of us feel about it because all of us just put a face on in front of him and then when he leaves, we all basically break down in whatever way we do. Personally, I end up crying and ranting to my husband. It's never good. And then I have nightmares about it. Dead serious. Nightmares. About work. never good.
I just pray everyday that God will touch my boss's life that way he can have some peace and have a good head when things go wrong. I literally pray for him BY NAME. I'm just glad that God answers my prayers. But it's still hard on those days when my boss doesn't let the spirit touch him and he just... GOES. :(
Sad day.

I've picked my try-out piece!!!

So, I've decided to try out for music scholarships at UVU and BYU to help my chances at getting accepted to either school and I've picked a classical piece to perform!

This version is a duet, but in the solo I would just sing all of it by myself (obviously! it's a SOLO.)

Anyway, I give you "Time To Say Goodbye" composed by Quarantotto/Sartori, performed by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7rZEKClk4&feature=related

Mailbag to begin the "Thankful" season :)

Dear hubby,
Thank you for writing me cute little love notes! I love you.
Love, wifey

Dear Work,
Thanks for giving me so many hours this next week. Although I'm very tired, I'm glad that I'm staying busy.
Love, me

Dear Fall,
Thanks for coming back after those couple of days of snow. I missed you. You know that you're my favorite time of year, right? Just so beautiful... :)
Love, Me

Dear God,
Thanks for making me feel better all the time.
Love, Your daughter

Dear Puffs Extra Strong Tissues,
Thank you for being on sale at Wal-Mart so I could partake in your comforting goodness. You have surely soothed my running nose :)
Much love, me

Dear Car,
Don't give up! We'll be fixing you soon! You've done so good!
Love, Bryan and Kelsey

Dear Piano,
This whole me-not-playing thing is going to be stopping soon because of that whole audition thing I've got going on in the winter. I'm coming back soon.
Love, me

Dear Bed,
Make room! I'm coming in!
Love, me

I'm trying to find something to blog about....

... but nothing is really coming to me right now, so I'm just going to start unloading onto this post for a moment:

She never really knew what it was going to be like until it happened. She had heard stories for years; some good, many horrible. It was something that was exciting for the first few months of the engagement and became ordinary for the last few. Then, it came.
That morning, Kelsey woke up early--really early. She opened her eyes quickly and wide, taking in every bit of light that was in that room. 3:30 am seemed so early before today. Now, it just seemed moments before she would be leaving for the hairstylist, make-up artist, and then to the temple. Sitting up was just as easy as opening her eyes, surprisingly. As she jolted up, she turned to her left where her best friend and bride's maid slept soundly. Amy apparently didn't feel a thing. The little bit of light that was glowing in the room came from Kelsey's cell phone that lay screen up on the nightstand next to the bed. She grabbed it and wondered whether or not Bryan would be awake. He'll get it when he wakes up, if anything, she thought to herself and sent her thumbs typing:
Don't forget to get to the temple early for pictures. I love you.
After finishing, she watched the screen as it glowed red with white writing that told her the progress of her message's travel.
MESSAGE SENT!
Okay, she thought to herself, what to do now... As she contemplated what might be a good activity for the next two hours, the screen of her phone gave a purple hue to the room. Already? she thought as she reached over to pick up her phone. The name "Honey" glowed on the screen as she opened the text:
I know, baby. I love you, too.
It made her glad to know that she wasn't the only one that couldn't sleep that night and she wondered if she would ever be able to catch up as she began to text back and forth with her soon-to-be husband for the next hour and a half.
Six in the morning came too soon. Kelsey slowly got out of bed, packed those things she wouldn't need today, dressed, and left to her hairdresser's house.
Daye was the only one awake as Kelsey walked up to the house and waited for the door to be unlocked. As she opened the door, Kelsey's 2nd oldest sister looked a little stressed and tired. Did she lose sleep as well? Kelsey felt a little guilty after her thought of relief as, once again, she was not the only one.
"Go sit down and let me get my stuff," said Daye as she walked upstairs to get the curling iron and other such things to do Kelsey's hair. Kelsey walked past the stairs directly into the kitchen where Daye's small in-home single hair station was set up. As Kelsey sat down, she examined herself in the vanity mirror. I don't look like a bride... Or feel like one, at that. Daye came bustling down the stairs and plugged in the iron and set down various pins and such.
"How are you feeling?" she said and placed her hands on Kelsey's shoulders, lowering her face by Kelsey's ears.
"Tired," Kelsey said, honestly. "I didn't get much sleep last night; about 4 hours or so..." And Daye began her magic. Kelsey always loved getting her hair done by her big sister. Daye ALWAYS seemed to do it just right. About half way through, someone came through the door. Kelsey looked into the mirror and saw her brother, Adam, walking in with a camera.
"So, I'm just going to get a few shots of you getting your hair done and we'll do a mini interview type thing and then I'll head over and do the same at Bryan's," Adam began as he crouched down and placed the camera to his eye. He filmed Daye, Kelsey's bouncing foot, and asked Kelsey how she was doing. Kelsey was already feeling redundant as she repeated what she had just told Daye not a half hour before.
After Adam left, Daye finished. Kelsey looked in the mirror and thought out loud, "It's perfect. I love it." It was elegant and exactly what she imagined and more. While they were trying to decide where to place Kelsey's veil, the door opened again and this time not so quietly.
Dawn and Aubrey came bustling into the kitchen, make-in hand and half singing, "Happy Wedding Day!" The compliments began to soar about Daye's work and Kelsey's three oldest sisters began gibbering about what to do next.
"How are you wearing your veil?"
"Do you want it here?"
"Where is it best?"
"Where do YOU want it?"
"Just tell us where you want it!"
And she snapped.
"Why are you crying?!" Dawn said as she dabbed at Kelsey's cheeks.
Kelsey burst into tears and she didn't know why. Aubrey, who had been applying Kelsey's make up, began scrambling for a tissue as to save her recent work on Kelsey's base.
"Is it your veil? Are you stressed?" said Daye, again laying her hands on Kelsey's shoulders.
"Did you sleep okay?" Aubrey said as she began to dab at Kelsey's tear-stricken face.
"I'm just really tired," Kelsey whispered with more tears rolling.
"Okay," Daye said, picking up Kelsey's veil again, "Let's put it here. Is that alright?" Daye placed the comb of the birdcage veil behind Kelsey's bangs and let the cage fall over the perfectly done french roll.
"Okay," Kelsey mustered without shedding another tear.
Aubrey finished Kelsey's make-up and as she left, Kelsey was hugged by her big sisters. "We'll see you at the temple," Dawn whispered into Kelsey's ear.
Back at her parents' house, Kelsey got into her wedding dress. The drive to Mesa was an hour long and she didn't know how much time she would have to get ready once they got there. She made sure to eat breakfast and then walked into her mom's room.
Dad was gone (where he went, Kelsey had no idea) and Mom was in the bathroom.
"Mom?" Kelsey whispered as she walked in. "Are you ready?"
"Hi beautiful." Kelsey's mom said as she looked at her daughter.

Okay, idk if I can finish that right now... To be continued...