Like a ton of bricks

It hit me today. I guess I haven't thought about it much because it's taken so long to get here.

3 (major) moves.
Two universities
3 BYU rejection letters.
One BYU-Idaho acceptance letter.
One BYU-Idaho Associate's Degree.
One UVU acceptance letter.
I-can't-even-count-how-many auditions.
An engagement.
A wedding.
One 2-year break.
Five jobs.
One business.
Tears, blood, sweat, failures, joys.
Six years of total schooling.

In a year, I will have a diploma. A Bachelor's degree in Vocal Performance.

In a year, I will be deciding where to go for grad school.

In a year, I will be able to call myself "a professional."

As I think back on these six years, it's been a wonderful and awful experience. I have made and lost many friends. I met the love of my life. I have grown as a person, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a wife. I have grown as a musician, a professional. I have come to love myself and my gift enough to want to develop and share it.

I want to grow. I want to succeed. I want to be an example to my children, to my students, to anyone I encounter that anything is possible with enough determination and love and faith.

Why I need the Gospel in my life

August 9th, 2013 was (in a word) AWFUL.
Terrible.

I had four tearful breakdowns during my 10 hour shift at work, yelled at almost all of my coworkers, and didn't answer my desk phone once.

Needless to say, it was stressful.
I think all the CRAP that's been happening over the last couple weeks just built up and came out yesterday.
Terrible.

I cried twice--yes, TWICE--driving home to pick up Bryan (which is only about 15 minutes long).

I cried when we got to the theatre to start getting ready for the show.

A few hours earlier, I had texted Bryan telling him how upset I was. His response was sweet and ended with "Let me know if you need anything."

"I need a blessing" I responded.

"I can give you one."

When we got to the green room at the theatre, we were able to use my dressing room since not too many people were there yet to use it. My Marie was sweet enough to leave us for a few minutes. I sat down in a chair and Bryan used the power of the priesthood to give me strength.

I was blessed with the love of my Heavenly Father.
I was blessed that all anxiety would leave me.
I was blessed that my performance would be one of the best of our run.
I was blessed with the Spirit of Comfort.

And then it was over. I felt immediately the change in my attitude, a warmth in my bosom. Everything would be okay. It spread around the cast that I had had a terrible day, as well as my sweet assistant, Jennie (who was also in our cast). So many prayers were said, hugs were given, and so many sweet words of comfort and aid offered.

I didn't feel an ounce of anxiety for the next 5 hours. It truly was one of the best performances I gave during our run. It wasn't because of me, though.

I need the gospel in my life because I am not perfect. I need the priesthood in my home because I can't get through this earthly state without the power of God on my side. I need prayer because I need to tell my Father in Heaven when I need help, when I am grateful, when I need forgiveness, and when I love Him.

I can't help but think I don't deserve this

I feel like God is blessing Bryan and I so much.

Most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve it.

But then it reminds me that I have an all-knowing, kind, generous, and loving Heavenly Father who truly wants the best for me.

I feel like every day I have something new to thank Him for. I fall on my knees and with tears, I thank Him for how wonderful and gracious He is.

I got my promotion yesterday. The extra money that I will be making will allow Bryan and I to go on a little trip for our 1 year anniversary AND I will probably be able to pay for school.

I found out that I will be able to apply for graduation in the summer.

He's looking out for me.

Oh man. Update. Much needed.

It's been a while since I've been on. I know I'm terrible, but HEY! I have a life, too!!! Not that I'm telling people who blog regularly that they don't have lives because then they wouldn't have anything to blog about. Right. Anyway.

So, Update:

Bryan got the job at LDS Motion Picture Studios! WOOT DIGGITY!!! It's just been fabulous and stinkin' amazing for him (and for me because now he has something he likes to do and he's not complaining as much. Poor guy, I didn't put up with it very well). He works in the camera/equipment check-out room where he basically does what I just said: checks out cameras/equipment. BUT, lucky for him, he works under the DP -- that's Director of Photography; took me about a week or so to figure it out, so I thought I'd clarify to those that were reading so you wouldn't have to look at that sentence a million time's trying to figure out what "DP" meant. You're welcome.

ANYWAY, so George is DP which means if he needs help on set, my cute hubby gets to go and help. YEAH! WAY COOL! He's gotten to go on set twice already and it's just been awesome for him and he's in heaven on those days. I love him so much.

I took tours at both UVU and BYU and I haven't really gotten a good idea about either school. I'm planning on meeting with advisors soon and then I hope to decide which school I'd rather go to. I plan on trying out for scholarships in the winter and hopefully that will pull and whether or not I get accepted. If I don't, then I'll just continue working and supporting my cute hubby until I get another opportunity to go to school (whenever that will be).

I had the most wonderful experience last week that made me realize how important it is to have faith in our savior, Jesus Christ. He will take care of us. It isn't a matter of maybe, but a matter of, "Am I going to let him suffer more than he already has by doubting him?" God takes care of all his children. We need to have faith and know that the atonement is real. We need to believe Christ when he says, "Take my yoke upon thee, and I shall give thee rest." I can do anything through the mercy and love of God and Christ. They love me and they help me continue on through life.

Now, PICTURES!!! They're like, really late, but here they are!

Disneyland! Day 1 of Honeymoon

Disneyland, Day 2!

LA temple, Day 4

One of Bryan's pictures from on set for the extended scenes of "Joseph Smith: the Prophet"

Sorry for those of you who wanted to see pics of my bike. Apparently, our camera erased ALL of the pictures from my birthday. Yes, ALL of them. :( *sniffles......

THE LORD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!!

First off, I just want to thank all of those who have been praying for Bryan and I over the last few days. Bryan received emails back from BOTH the jobs he applied for informing him that he will know by the end of next week whether or not he has an interview.
We went to the Provo temple on Friday night for our date night. It was just wonderful to sit in the peace and beauty that is the Lord's house. Bryan and I are really starting to feel that we could start our wedding video business. Bryan has been very diligent with his research and we have worked together with coming up with prices and packages. I really feel like this could work, and I know that it is partially because we have such a loving Heavenly Father that wants us to find JOY IN THE JOURNEY!
I'm starting to get used to the idea of staying at Scoreboard. It works, ya know? Good pay, good coworkers. Yeah, it's going to be stressful, but that's just work. I think that, once Bryan starts making money as well, if I join a dance studio or find a voice teacher, I'll be able to really let go of my stresses.
I got a new calling a few weeks ago; Relief Society music coordinator/assistant pianist. I'm actually really excited. It's getting me back into the groove of playing the piano. It's good to just let go for an hour or two every week (I should probably play more, but I'm a terrible person).

The Luckiest

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

Life is beautiful :)

There have been a few lessons that I have learned lately.

Lesson #1: ALWAYS look at the bright side.
The first few weeks of the month really weighed down on me. I just felt so... blah. I felt like my life wasn't going to go anywhere. Everyday I would go from project to project, work to home, home to work, church and back, and that was it. It was monotonous. And if you know me, I am NOT particularly the person that enjoys routine. Yes, it is good in some areas of life, but not in all areas. I mean, where's the adventure in that?!
Anyway, it wasn't until I was sitting with my sweet fiance telling him that his life DOESN'T suck and that he really CAN enjoy his job if he changes his attitude that I realized... That's what I needed to change my attitude, too. It was so simple! I just needed to see it somewhere else before I could see how it could change my own life. So, I did just that. I started praying for my co-workers and my boss and for the environment that we could create at work. And, honestly, I am really starting to enjoy my job like I used to! It's amazing what a little change of mind can do for your life!

Lesson #2: NEVER hesitate to talk.
I misunderstood something my sweet fiance and I had briefly talked about while we were dating and it has been nagging at me since we got engaged. My sweet fiance and I talked it out and he told me that he never knew I that I felt that way about the whole situation. I realized again how truly blessed I am to have him. We talked everything out and we are more open about our feelings, what's going through our heads, and even how we communicate.

Lesson #3: ALWAYS trust in God; he'll find a way.
"He'll Make a Way" by Byron J. Smith says it best :)

I know the Lord will make a way!
I know the Lord will make a way! Oh, yes!
If you trust and never doubt, he will bring you out!
I know the Lord will make--
I know the Lord will make--
I know! I know! I know! The Lord will make a way!
(repeat)

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
that saved a soul like me!
His mercy everlasting, his truth endures,
And he sent his son to set me free!
(Repeat first verse)

He's there and He cares for me!
He cares, and He'll set you free!
Trust and never doubt, He will bring you out!
I know the Lord will make--
I know the Lord will make--
I know! I know! I know! The Lord will make a way!

Make a way! Make a way! Lord, make a way!
Make a way! I know he'll-- (repeat)

[vamp:]
Altos 1st - Swing down chariot, God will make a way!
Basses 2nd - My Lord, what a mornin', He'll make a way!
Tenors 3rd - I know my Lord will make a way for you!
Sopranos 4th - Trust in Him, He'll show you the way!

Make a way! Make a way! Lord, make a way!
Make a way! Have mercy! (repeat)

I know the Lord will make--
I know the Lord will make--
I know! I know! I know! The Lord will make a way!

Counting my blessings yet again.

Today has been in all reality a GOOD day. Haven't had one of those in so long. I'm actually smiling. I cannot describe how happy I am. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for my life, my testimony, my family, and my friends. Work was very bearable today--I had plenty to do and left to do it. When I got out of work, I came home and wrote for an hour and I feel like I'm making progress. After that, Aub and I went to Kylie's rehearsal and we brought Bella so she could see the Jellicle Cats. She even got to go on stage and take pictures! It was so fun to see her belief in the reality of the show. Today was just... Good. I haven't had a day like this in a while.

I guess it's been a while

Well, I've been working back at my old job from the summer for about a month now and my sweet fiance got a sales job this last week. We are now back in business! ha! I'm just glad that he has a job now. It was really taking a toll on him because he wasn't being the provider like the man is supposed to be. He really let loose when he spoke in church when he mentioned his job hunt. That day, three people asked for his resume and he had a job within the next 24 hours. God really does answer prayers.
We have 2 appointments to look at silk flowers. We figure that silk would be easier since I'll have my bridals a month ahead and then going back and forth from Arizona and Utah... It just makes it cheaper and easier on us.
I also should have my first fitting with my seamstress in the next week or so. I'm so glad that Gaye offered to do it. I'm just so excited to put it on and give it a feel. I was looking at pictures of Audrey Hepburn and I found a picture of her real wedding dress... Mine is almost exactly like hers! It made my day!