Day 27 – Your favorite place

My favorite place? The temple.



This is Bryan and I the day we got married outside of the Mesa, Arizona temple where we were sealed together for time and all eternity.
I love the temple because it is a place that can give me peace. It is the house of God. I can worship and commune with Him. I can escape from a world filled with remorse and torment and take time to think and be close to the Spirit. It is a place of comfort and learning. A place that is sacred and special. I love it there, in the temple.

Day 26 – Your fears

I have one fear: Loss.

Now, you might say something like, "Well... That's not really a fear, is it? I mean, really."

But it's true.
I am afraid of loss.

Because when you lose something, your world crumbles a little bit.

My life has always been rocky, but rocks stay put.

What I'm trying to say is, if I lost one of my "rocks", I'd fall. And that scares me.

I'm afraid of losing my family.
I'm afraid of losing my husband.
I'm afraid of losing my pride.
I'm afraid of losing my dignity.
I'm afraid of losing my religion.
I'm afraid of losing my mind.
I'm afraid of loss.

Get me?

Day 25 – A first

A first.

Okay....

Ummmm...

The fact that I work at a sports store. THAT'S a first. I don't play soccer or lacrosse, I don't wrestle, and the last time I played volleyball was over years ago. Yeah, I'm a little lost, too...

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

There are lots of things that make me cry.
I'm kind of a boob.
No, really. I cry A LOT.
My husband teases me about it, but I believe that there is nothing wrong with a good cry.

Anyway, something that makes me cry...

I cry the most often when I feel the Spirit touch my heart. When God tells me that something is true or when my testimony grows just a little bit more, tears fall from my eyes

I cry when I see someone I love suffer, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I cry during movies.

I cry when I listen to "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I think I cry during this song because if Bryan ever left this earth without me, this song would perfectly personify how I would feel. When I have nightmares about Bryan dying (which for some reason happen a lot), this song plays in the background. (Yes, my dreams have background music. DON'T HATE!)

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

There isn't just one, so I'm going to make a list.
I like lists. :)

.kissing my hubby
.talking to my mom
.hugging my sisters
.bear-hugging my husband
.bawling while my husband holds me
.hanging out with my girlfriends
.eating cupcakes
.drinking fruity drinks (non-alcoholic OF COURSE!)
.praying
.reading a good book, including THE good book
.laughing
.watching a good movie
.eating a WHOLE bowl of popcorn (it's kinda gross, I know)
.baking
.doing my hair
.going for a walk
.playing with my nieces and nephews
.listening to music
.singing at the top of my lungs!
.playing the piano

Day 22 – Something that upsets you

WARNING: THIS POST IS A LITTLE GRAPHIC. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, I SUGGEST SKIPPING THIS ONE... Love, Kelsey

I had my first REAL experience with this thing last night.
I didn't get any sleep.
That's not what I'm going to blog about, but that does upset me.

What I am going to tell you about is how my husband was dog sick.

It was about 6:30 when I got the text from my husband telling me that he had vomited twice. I got a little worried, of course, but it was just my luck that I ended up not getting home until an hour later :( He was laying on the couch, writhing. I got him some crackers, some Sprite, a bottle of Gatorade, and applesauce... He then continued to vomit almost an average of 3x an hour after that.
I called our friend Eliot twice in a frenzy, hoping he could come and give a blessing to him. I tried contacting our home teachers and friends from our ward, but they either didn't answer or I didn't have a phone number for them. I paced and paced. Then at about 10:30, Bryan said he wanted to try and go to sleep.
We said prayers together, then got into bed.
I couldn't fall asleep. Or, I guess, I wouldn't let myself fall asleep. I read a little, texted my mom, and waited--hoping that Eliot would call back.
After an hour, my phone rang.
"What's going on?" Eliot said into the phone. He knew something had to be wrong.
I told him what had happened and asked him to come give a priesthood blessing to Bryan. He said he would, and showed up with a friend to help administer at about 10 after midnight.
I had been bawling. Bryan had been vomiting more. I think he was up to 15 times when Eliot got there. The blessing he gave was simple, and I prayed as I sat and listened to the words said.
After they were finished, Eliot looked at me and asked if I needed one.
I did.
So, as he began to speak, I wouldn't let myself calm. But the Spirit told me to relax and listen to what he was saying. He told me that this would pass. That my love for my husband was strong. That I needed to be patient and understand the healing power of the atonement at this time. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Eliot and Devin left.
We tried, going to sleep, but the night wasn't over yet.
After that, every hour at 10 til the hour, Bryan was in the bathroom.

What am I trying to get at?

What upset me is that my husband was suffering.
And there was nothing I could do about it.

I've felt this feeling before, but never to this degree do I recall ever feeling this much. I was scared. I was angry. All I could do was sit and watch and console, but not comfort.

It was hard. I'm just glad he was able to get some sleep this morning. Now I have to manage to find the energy to get through work today.

Day 21 – Another moment

I'm getting a new sister-in-law in less than 4 weeks!

The other night I was talking to her, planning her bridal shower, and I just felt like telling her how much we (my husbands family, my husband, and myself) all love her and appreciated her. It was a tender moment for both of us. She is so beautiful and smart and caring and has an awesome testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ!

I'm so excited to be able to call her my sister!

Leah, you rock :)

Day 20 – This month

This month is FEBRUARY! Full of love and movies! Two of my favorite things! :) lol
But really, I think that's pretty much what this month was for me.

Bryan makes movies. And I love making movies with him (although I've only done 2, it's still a BLAST).
Anyway, because of his passion for making films, we watch A LOT of movies! Which is fun for me! I love cuddling up on the couch with him and watching a good film.
So, because of the Golden Globes, SAG's, and Academy Awards, we've been doing research and watching films that have been nominated. It's been a BLAST!

And then there was Valentine's Day. This was technically our first because Bryan was out of town last year over the holiday. It was pretty special and SO much fun!

Day 19 – Something you regret

Well, here's the interesting thing:
I have no regrets.

Yeah, I look back at times in my life and think, "Wow. That was stupid."
But everything that has ever happened to me has helped me grow and become who I am.

So, I guess this is the end of this post. Maybe I'll do Day 20 right now...

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday

That's actually tough... The last few years, I've had pretty awesome birthdays. But I think this last one was my favorite.

Why?

Because I was completely happy all day. It felt like nothing could get on my nerves, and nothing did! It was all over, a GOOD day.

It started with waking up to "Happy Birthday" by The Ting Tings. I love this song because it's what is played at Shelley's party in The House Bunny (a favorite movie of "The Amigas"). Then, my sweet hubby had my gifts waiting for me in the living room! A bike and a new pair of DC's! I love them both. I wore my shoes that day :)

We ate breakfast and I went to work.

When I got there, my manager had gotten me a cake. It was SO AWESOME! I mean, what's better than a cookies n cream cake?! I don't know, but it made me feel all fuzzy inside. I shared it with all the guys. It was fun.

Then I got a call from Bryan saying that our good friend Andy was in Provo and he wanted to go to lunch for my birthday. He treated us to IN-N-Out burger. Again, just something that made me feel really happy--good times with good friends. Then I finished up at work and went home.

Bryan and I went on a bike ride to pass the time before we went to Chili's (my favorite) for dinner. I got wings and a salad and ate Bryan's mashed potatoes... It was delish :)

Then, we rented a film called Departures. I have to say that I think it's one of my new favorite movies and I wanted to find it and buy it.

Anyway, my birthday continued for the rest of the weekend. My sister and her family took us to dinner the next night and we watched a movie. Then on Saturday, I went shopping with her! My parents had sent me money and she got me a Kohl's giftcard and Kohl's cash. It was awesome.

Then, on Sunday, we had dinner at Bryan's parents house. My mother-in-law made me potatoes with hamburger gravy (so good!) and I got to spend time with the whole family! It was really special because it was my first birthday with my in-laws. They're so great.

All in all, GREAT birthday :)

Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Well... It's hard to think of just one.

But one of my favorites is when my husband told me he loved me for the first time.

We had already kinda jumped into our relationship. A week after we met, we were "official." But, like I tell everyone, it was just instant the friendship that we had. So, we didn't waste any time ;) lol

Anyway, he was dropping me off after a night of hanging out with our friends, but I felt a little distressed. The next day, he was going to the airport with all of our other friends to see THE EX-GIRLFRIEND come home from her mission.

Now, when I say she is "The Ex-Girlfriend", I mean, she and my husband dated before their missions, talked about getting married, the whole SHEBANG. So, I was a little worried. I mean, Bryan and I had only been dating about a month and so I was pretty much convinced that once he saw her that he was going to drop me like a hot plate and run. I felt like he probably wasn't that attached to me and with his past with this girl, he would just leave me behind. But, I really liked him. I wanted to date him and get to know him... But I was so intimidated.

Anyway, back to the story. He was dropping me off and I was just being quiet and not saying much because I was scared of what the next night was going to hold because in my mind, he was going to come to me and say, "I'm sorry this was so short, but I know that my feelings for (ex-girlfriend) are real." But, that didn't happen. While I was sitting there in my silence, fighting my tears, Bryan broke into me like he always does. He's very good at making me talk. So, I just went on about how I felt about him and how I was scared of what tomorrow held for our relationship.

At that moment, Bryan took my face in his hands and put my nose against his. "Kelsey," he said, "I want you to know that you don't have anything to worry about. You are amazing. And... I think..." (dramatic pause) "I think..." (Another pause) "I think that... I love you."

At that moment, everything swelled up inside me.

I looked up at him and didn't say anything at first, but then when I realized that all those feelings that were filling me were of joy and happiness, I told him "I love you, too."

Day 16 – Your first kiss

Oh wow.

This is an interesting and embarrassing story...

I was 14 years old. It was at my best friend's 15th birthday shindig. Nicole lives in the boonies--literally. The roads out there are all dirt. Anyway, so one of her neighbors was invited to the party and so she drove there in a little golf cart. We had all been in the front yard. It was nice weather, so we had been listening to music, jumping on the trampoline, and just having a ball!
Anyway, my "boyfriend", Miki (pronounced "Mikey") was invited (obviously! we were DATING!) So, we were enjoying the fun and hanging out, and I didn't want to stand anymore, so we had a seat in the golf cart with my friend Jessica. Next thing I knew, Miki and I were alone in the golf cart and in the yard. it literally came outta NOWHERE.
I looked up at Miki to see if he wanted to go inside and -- BAM! He laid one on me.
I remember leaning back after and just walking inside. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face so EVERYONE knew what had happened.

Day 15 – Your dreams

I don't have much when it comes to dreams. When I look back on my life to see if I have/had any, It seems like I'm more of a "Live for what I got" type of person. But I do have one dream that I know has never changed.

I want to be a mom.

As cliche as it is, I do! I feel like it's the most innate part of me, this feeling. I've always wanted to have kids, to raise them, and to help them find who they are as individuals. This is one thing that my husband tells me that he really loves about me. I'm not career driven, I'm family driven. Yes, if I have to work I want to do something that I love which is why I'm getting a degree, but I would much rather stay at home and be a homemaker/wife/mom. It seems so much more satisfying. To me, anyway.

I guess another dream (or I guess something I've always imagined doing but don't necessarily have the guts to get together) is being a performer. I love the arts so much and I've always loved singing and dancing and being in front of an audience. It's exhilarating and exciting and it just makes me happy.

Day 14 – What you wore today

Is there an echo in here? I feel like I just did this like 5 days ago... Oh, wait--I DID!

Anyway...

This morning I wore work out clothes for my Zumba routine. Tank top, jazz pants, and my Nike running shoes. They suggest trainers, but even with my employee discount at work, I don't have that kinda money for new trainers.

Then I showered and changed.
Wearing my black shirt with the gray wings on the back (this shirt is SO COOL)
Skinny jeans
Knee-high socks (Do not mock!)
And my old, beat up Vans.

time for work.

Day 13 – This week

Well... This week is like half over.

Yesterday was our first Valentine's Day. And I have the sweetest husband ever :) I love him so much.

I started off my day with Zumba (it ROCKED) and I gave Bryan his present. I got him a little card and a heart full of gummy treats! He was pretty happy for that :) Then, we went our seperate ways for work. About half way through my shift, a man carrying flowers and chocolates walked in and asked for me. I couldn't help but blush and smile when he handed them to me. The bouquet was gorgeous and the chocolates were amazing! And my cute hubby wrote me a sweet little note :)

I came home and he was doing homework. So, I blogged, watched Pride and Prejudice, and then got a little dolled up for that night.We went to the mall and wandered a little bit, just to pass the time. Then, Bryan took me to Panda Express! I was so excited because I've been CRAVING it for about 2 weeks now! Oh, I was happy :)

We took it home and ate it while we watched Social Network (my new favorite movie). It was perfect. I love him so much.

The rest of this week is just filled with work and more Zumba. But, amazingly, I do not work this weekend! ha ha! I'm super excited to just HAVE A WEEKEND!

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

Oh gosh.
My purse is like a train wreck! But, somehow, I can still find everything!

Right now in my purse there is:

my wallet
an old Forgotten Carols program
several old grocery lists
a couple of pens
two highlighters that don't work
some feminine things... (sorry to the boys)
chapstick
lip gloss
2 hand sanitizers -- one germ-x and one victoria's secret
a couple of old papers with random grocery lists and other "to-do" things written on them

Day 11 – Your siblings

I have a lot of siblings.
I'm #8 of 9 kids! It gets a little chaotic, but I wouldn't have it any other way :)
I love my siblings sooooooooo much.
They're pretty much awesome.

I have to talk about them from oldest to youngest, because... Well, that's just how it's always been in my family: Go in order, and you won't have any problems lol

#1 Dawn
I remember growing up knowing that Dawn was my big sister, but not really knowing her. It wasn't until the summer that my family moved to Arizona that I feel like I really got the opportunity to get to know her. When we moved to AZ, both my parents and Dawn and her husband were building houses. So, for about 3 months or so, we lived in the same rental house. Dawn and Derek had the master bedroom with their (at the time) 2 kids, my parents had one bedroom, and I shared a room with 3 of my other siblings as well as one bathroom. It was crazy, but I really did get so close to Dawn. Then, when all our houses were done, she only lived a 10 minute walk away, if even that. She is so awesome and kind and a good friend. She decorated my wedding, and I loved it! She is amazing!

#2 Daye
Daye was the first in our family to get married. She and her husband moved into a little duplex that was in our ward boundaries, so I spent a lot of time with her growing up. She and her husband would take Kylie and I to Chuck-E-Cheeses and let us have sleepovers... It was awesome. I learned that Daye is someone who always has your back, no matter what! She does everything she can to make you feel comfortable, and she gives one AWESOME haircut! She also decorates cakes! She really has a talent for crafty things (one of my many weaknesses).

#3 Aubrey
Aubrey is amazing. I got to know her really well when I went to college. I lived with her off and on during those 2 1/2 years. She is an amazing mom, a wonderful wife, a loyal friend, and one of the greatest big sisters ever. There are some days when I wish I could go back to just living in her basement. That way, I could keep being with her all the time. But, she's not too far away :)

Now, this is the point when I actually get to know my siblings while I was growing up! ;) lol

#4 Matthew
My big brother. He loves his family. He loves his Savior. He loves his God. He is extremely athletic and kind of a punk at times, but he knows where his heart lies. He has been beaten, battered, torn... But he has come back stronger than ever. I remember talking to him once. We were in his truck driving to church. He could see right through the face that I had on. As he shared with me some of his experiences, he just kept telling me to keep going, keep being better. He saved me that day.

#5 Emily
Emily is the most generous person I think I have ever known. She would give you the shirt of her back if you needed it. Literally. She's lent/given me clothes on several occasions. She is fun to be around. She loves kids. She loves her husband. She loves the gospel. And I love her. She always knew how to get me to talk or to make the right choice. There were times when I has having a rough time that she would come into my room, wrap her arms around me, push me against the wall, and stick her nose in my face until I talked or cried! And the thing is... I'm so grateful she did. She has always looked out for me.

#6 Adam
I'm pretty sure that Adam didn't start liking me until after he came home from his mission lol. I'm kidding. But it was after he came home from his mission that we realized how much we had in common and how good of friends we could be. He is a hard worker, a good friend, and an awesome dad :) He will fight to the death for what he knows to be right.

#7 Ian
Ian is my best friend. He and I were kinda outcasted together when we were growing up hahahaha. But, it created a friendship that I wouldn't give up for anything. I don't think he liked me much until I got into jr high, but nonetheless! We have had some awesome times together. He is wise and kind and very loyal. He's a good husband and dad. He has a simple yet powerful testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

#8 (that's me, so we'll skip that)

#9 Kylie
We have been stuck together since she was born and we found out she was a girl. Yep. We had matching outfits and everything up until I went to high school and got the guts to tell my mom that I didn't always like matching Kylie. But Kylie is a loyal friend. You can count on her to help you out of even the toughest of situations. She tries so hard to improve herself. She's talented, athletic, and beautiful (and single, if anyone knows of a cute, LDS guy for her ;) lol)

I have the best siblings. And that's that :)

Day 10 – Your belief

Well, the first thing that comes to mind that describes what I believe is a little song that I learned when I was in Primary:

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!
I know who I am!
I know God's Plan!
I'll follow him in faith!
I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I'll honor His name.
I'll do what is right!
I'll follow his light!
His truth I will proclaim!

It's probably the best song EVER. For real. It's pretty fun to sing.
Anyway, like the song says, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Or LDS. Or "Mormon"

What I believe is simple:
I know that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ. I know that they both love me infinitely and want me to return to their presence after my life on earth is over. I know that I came from my home in heaven to this earth because God has a plan for us; a plan I like to refer to as the Plan of Happiness because God made this plan for us to BE HAPPY. I know that by being baptized, I have been washed of my sins and have the opportunity to have the full fellowship of the Holy Ghost as my companion. I know that I can be forgiven of my sins and that I can keep myself unspotted from my sins. I know that FAMILIES ARE FOREVER. Through temple ordinances and sealings, families can be united NOT JUST TIL DEATH TO US PART, BUT FOREVER. I know that my family--that of my parents and siblings and my new family that Bryan and I have created--is forever and I am grateful for the sacred covenants I have made. I know that the Bible and Book of Mormon are the word of God and that there is a modern-day prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. I love him and sustain him to be the messenger of God. I know that God still teaches us today through revelation. I know that the trials we face in this life are given to us because GOD KNOWS WE CAN MAKE IT! He knows our strengths, our weaknesses, our knowledge, our faults, and He would NEVER give us something that we couldn't handle.
I love my Father in Heaven and I pray every day that I will live a life worthy of His presence.

Day 08 – A moment

A moment...?
Really?
We couldn't be any more GENERAL?!!!

What does this MEAN?!!!!

Okay, I will just choose a moment and tell you about it.

When I took out my endowment and walked into the Celestial room for the first time... I knew at that moment what my heaven--God's heaven--was going to be like. I had worked so hard to be there. And when I walked in, the first person I saw was my (at that time) future eternal companion. Bryan smiled, came to me, and hugged me. That was the purest happiness I think I have ever felt. Then, there was my parents. After that, my siblings. And then, my in-laws and dear friends. Those are the relationships and the people that I want to be with forever. And, because of that day, I know I can be.

I know that God lives. That Jesus is the Christ. That through the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, all things are possible including eternal life and eternal families.

Day 07 – Your best friend

Well... I have 3 groups of best friends. I know. That's weird. But I do. All these girls I absolutely love, adore, and look up to.

The first, My College Besties
aka THE AMIGAS!


Amy and I met during my first semester of college. She was having a hard day in our PhysSci class and I could tell. So, I walked up to her and asked her if she wanted a hug. And then I invited her over to make brownies. It was a friendship made in heaven :)
So, Amy and I moved in to the same apartment together the next semester. We didn't meet our FHE group for about a month, but when we did, that's when we discovered Kiah. Again, it was basically instant. We asked her to hang out, we planned a triple date together, and it was awesome. Kiah became the third wheel of our cute pink tricycle :) (I like to think that it's pink).
In all of our time together, I have learned so much from them. They also have been my rock when I needed them. And, we do have a pretty good laugh :)

The second, My high school besties
I don't have a picture of all of us together, so I'll just talk about them. Nicole, Suzanne, Alex, and Roselyn.
Nicole was one of the first people that talked to me when I moved to Arizona. She was always nice and fun. A little quiet, but we broke through that ;) She is such a wonderful example. Even though I only heard her bear her testimony aloud twice,
I could always feel it in her actions. And now, she and her husband are sealed in the temple and she's a beautiful mother.
Roselyn was actually friends with Nicole in elementary school, so I met her through Nicole. She is so fun to be around! There were times when I connected with her in so many ways!
Alex was new. When I ran into her while she was getting a tour of our high school, I had the impulse to hug her. That was when I knew she was going to be one of the best friends I'll ever have.
Suzanne was new, too. I remember when we started hanging out with her, I thought, "She is so funny!" And she is. For real. I also knew that she loved the gospel. It just radiated.
They're amazing. Even when we weren't on the same page, we always found a way to pull through.

Third, My new friends :)

Almost everyone is in this picture. The first time I hung out with them was right after Bryan and I started dating. I felt really comfortable with them, which is hard to do when you're the newbie. I'm just grateful for them and just how awesome they all are. I have already learned so much for them and I've known them less than 2 years! I I feel so blessed!